Healthy Sex? The Answer is More, not Less

Christianity Today’s online version led this week with a series of articles on sex addiction. Before anyone gets defensive, I’m not saying there is no such thing, even though the writers admit it isn’t a recognized disorder. One of the articles dealt with a California megachurch that’s running a small group for men who feel afflicted by sex addiction. These guys aren’t sexual criminals or pedophiles, just guys who believe they’re spending too much energy on their sexuality. If these groups help them find a new level of peace and contentment, God bless them.

But I get a little nervous whenever the word sin is too closely linked to sexual pleasure, an association Christianity Today describes as being embraced by men in the groups. This has been a habit of Christianity forever and I’ve always suspected it was more about controlling people than helping them. If spending lots of time and money on an activity becomes the definition for a harmful addiction, all you golfers will be in trouble.

In Mark Twain’s Letters from the Earth the angels look down from heaven and mock humanity for the way we’ve turned God’s intentions upside down about sex. Here’s this great gift of pleasure God built into our bodies -- perhaps God’s crowning achievement -- and we’ve turned it into our greatest source of shame.

God created the libido as such an irresistible imperative that it can’t be wished away, or saddled with such a sense of guilt that it will just shrink away. Witness the outcome of the Catholic Church’s mandate of celibacy for its priests. For some it worked, but for others the sex drive simply couldn’t be controlled and emerged in perverse ways. As Joe Lewis said about Billy Conn, “you can run but you can’t hide.”

I’m no Greek scholar, but I know from my studies the word translated as “flesh” in New Testament scripture doesn’t refer, as is commonly assumed, to sexuality. Its real meaning focuses on material greed, and self-interest supplanting love of neighbor. I’m also not ready to provide the final answer on how everyone can get so right with their sex drive that it becomes the positive powerhouse God meant it to be. I do know the answer to a healthy sex life isn’t in suppression but expression.

Some would say “yes that‘s true,” but that expression must be in marriage. Certainly, more marriages would prosper if a vibrant sex life was part of the relationship. But as long as we label everything except sex between husband and wife as sin, deviance and addiction, we will continue to confound God’s intentions for this great creative gift.